very O+

2008-07-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
--- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
---Allan K. Chambers

2008-05-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been feeling like hell. Honestly. There's just no other way to put it. Just the local news, the world news, man-made disasters like the gas prices, other natural disasters like earthquakes, tornadoes. Just everywhere I look , I see pain -- it's just been damn depressing. But everyday, I still look for something inspirational. Some days are harder than others, and that can be depressing in itself, looking for grass growing in the cracks of the sidewalks; but in a way, the lack of something simply put and beautiful makes finding that something inspirational so much more valuable.

I just got this in an email and found Fred's Faculty Greeting so extremely refreshing, I'm posting it here without permission, but I bet he wouldn't mind. Enjoy!

Welcome New Alums – the Class of 2008!

The 58th Memphis College of Art commencement on the lawn was held on Saturday‚ May 10‚ 2008. At this ceremony‚ we celebrated the conferral of 46 Bachelor of Fine Arts and 5 Master of Fine Arts degrees. We also conferred our very first Master of Arts in Art Education degree. The commencement address was delivered by our very own Coleman Coker‚ MFA 1994‚ Studio Arts. Coleman is an internationally prominent architect and founder/principal of buildingstudio‚ currently headquartered in New Orleans. He received the Rome Prize from the American Academy in Rome and a Loeb Fellowship in Advanced Environmental Studies from Harvard University. He has held the E. Fay Jones Chair in Architecture at the University of Arkansas and is currently the Favrot Chair at Tulane University School of Architecture.

This year‚ the Faculty Greeting was delivered by Fred Burton‚ Professor‚ Fine Arts. Fred’s captivating greeting was delivered with passion and heart and deserves to be shared.

The Faculty Greeting:

Hello. I'm (pause) Johnny Cash …
Just testing … I’ve always wanted to say that.
My name is Fred Burton. I’ve been teaching at MCA since 1987‚ and I’m a professor of Drawing. I would very much like to welcome all of you:
President Nesin
Vice President Strickland
Honored guests
The Board of Trustees
Distinguished faculty
Our wonderful staff
And most especially . . . the 2008 graduates‚ their families and friends.

It’s an honor to share this moment as you move on from MCA out into the wide‚ wide world.
Now‚ every semester I pin quotes onto the walls of my classroom for inspiration‚ and there is one quotation in particular that I think about most often. It’s by Osho‚ an Indian philosopher. He said‚ “Knowledge is not information‚ it's transformation.” Of course that’s true‚ because I know that our graduates view the world very differently now than when they first entered MCA. So‚ in order to prod that process along a bit‚ and with a quiet nod of thanks to the late American Indian painter Fritz Scholder for his words of inspiration‚ here are a few things for our graduates to ponder:

From now on:
You are your own movie.
You are not finding yourself‚ you are creating yourself.
So live with intention‚ and have faith in yourself.
Continue to learn.
Set lofty goals‚ and have heroes because they will show you what is possible.
Live a creative life because the world needs that now more than ever.
Your art is now your passport to the entire world‚ so try to live in as many places as you can. Go to Barcelona‚ Berlin‚ Florence‚ Paris‚ Vienna‚ and beyond because travel will enrich your soul.
Live with beauty: with flowers‚ music‚ books‚ paintings and sculpture.
And now that you know how it’s done‚ keep a record of your time.
Also‚ look for the unknown‚ for it is all around you. Read well. Listen and speak well. Know your country‚ know the world‚ know your history‚ and know yourself.
Take care of yourself physically‚ mentally and spiritually. Be good to those around you. You owe it to yourself.
And do everything with passion. Give all that you can.
Remember‚ life is short‚ and art is long.
I want to pass on some final advice from Peter Schjeldahl‚ an art critic who currently writes for New Yorker Magazine. These are his Ten Commandments for Artists:
“Work‚ work‚ work‚ work‚ work‚
Work‚ work‚ work‚ work . . . Don't whine.”
Thank you very much.

Professor Fred Burton
May 2008

Finally, carbs are good for you again.

2008-02-27T10:07:00.000-08:00

I've been waiting for this to happen. The diet world has finally revolved back into saner, more-friendly universe -- the Resistant Starch Galaxy, just past Carbohydrate Way.

GOOD. Potatoes: you know I never doubted you.

Yes, protein is good for you. But I say never trust a diet that consists mainly of pork rinds and bacon -- and no bread. If I've learned anything this far in life (besides "never try washing a cat by yourself"), it's that just about everything in life works better with balance.

And, balance seems easy, but it's incredibly hard. That's another thing I've learned.

And, lock your car doors even if you are at a cemetery. Never run out of toilet paper. Never think more Beaujolais actually makes you more interesting. Never say never. But nevermind, all that's for another action-packed day.

Right now, it's time to kiss a potato, and celebrate the truth about carbs.

Not only do certain carbs rev up the fat-burning process with resistant starch crystals, but research shows they can prevent certain cancers, may fight diabetes and heart disease, and helps boost your immunity -- which is exceptionally good news for patients taking immuno-suppressing drugs in therapeutic doses like you may be doing with aplastic anemia treatments.

It boosts your immune system
"When you have low levels of good-for-you bacteria in your digestive system, it’s very difficult to fight off disease,” says Joanne Slavin, Ph.D., R.D., a nutrition professor at the University of Minnesota. Resistant starch may boost the growth of probiotics, the same kind of healthy bacteria found in yogurt that keep bad bacteria in check.

More talk about probiotics later. But for now, read the entire article here.

"What foods build platelets?"

2008-02-26T10:26:00.000-08:00

That is the big question I asked myself over and over and asked the professionals around me the same. "I tell people green, leafy salads," one tech told me. "It may not be the entire truth, but at least they least something good for them."

But I don't think she was too far off the truth. Spinach has a lot of good, red blood cell-building iron in it, plus fiber.

Sure, cooked spinach may not have all the nutrients of raw spinach, but it never hurt Popeye.

Protein is a good thing to eat when your body is running down. Fish is an easily digestible form of protein that is rich in healthy fats like Omega oils, good for the heart. Don't get me started on wild salmon, not yet anyway. But if you don't like fish or you are more in the mood for a comforting food, this recipe is a good one for protein with the egg and cheese.

Besides the ease and the completely satisfying taste, what I really like about this is you can make it on a Sunday, cut it into portions and refrigerate it or even freeze it, and it reheats perfectly -- even in the microwave.

The smell of this fills the whole house with comfort, and bonus: I modified this recipe to omit half the fat and a good percentage of calories of the original recipe with that reduced amount of cheese, but the flavor is still totally there.

This is also a good recipe for anyone avoiding the white flour and extra maybe not-so-healthy fats in a typical pie crust.

I am stuck on quick and easy Crustless Spinach Quiche:

1 large yellow onion, diced
1 Tbsp or so of olive oil
1 (10 oz.) package frozen, chopped spinach (thawed)
1 1/2 to 2 cups shredded cheese*
2 slices American cheese, folded and cut into chunks
6 large eggs, beaten with a whisk
1/4 tsp sea salt
1/8 tsp ground black pepper

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly spray 9-inch pie pan (I use a Pyrex glass one) with cooking spray.

2. Heat oil over medium heat to saute diced onions in olive oil until they are mostly softened with some of them a bit caramelized-brown around the edges. Sprinkle 1/4 tsp salt on them for luck, then add the thawed spinach, mixing onions throughout the spinach, cooking the spinach just enough to remove any excess moisture.

3. In a large bowl, mix eggs, cheeses, salt and pepper. Add spinach mixture and stir to blend. Scoop into prepared pie pan.

4. Bake in preheated oven until eggs have set and edges are browned (about 30 minutes). Let cool for 10 minutes before serving.

* The original recipe called for 3 cups of shredded Muenster, but I used half of that amount, substituting a six cheese bagged mix of asiago/mozzarella/parmesan/asiago/provolone/romano. You can use any shredded cheese you want, and it's excellent. I added those American cheese slices in just to have a chunk of melted cheese here and there. En-joy.

Dontcha just love the word "whisk"?

2008-02-25T09:08:00.000-08:00

The other day, someone said, "I was keeping up with everything for a while, but you don't write much about it anymore on some of your blogs." And while I was thinking about how true that was, and how *no news is good news*, someone else standing with us said, "Well, that's actually good thing."

It is a very good thing.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see the gynecologist who found the problem I didn't know I had and helped save my life, starting with a routine, yearly exam and a simple blood test. Am I excited about telling her "thank you"? Yes and no. Cold metal tools, latex gloves and paper gowns, no. Feeling better and and on the way out of the woods that I was in? That would be a big yes.

The hardest part about being sick is different for everyone. Things have to be done in stages. For me, one of the hardest parts was admitting that I was sick, at all. Oh trust me, it's fairly easy to admit the truth when you are lying in a hospital bed for 13 days with your mother curled uncomfortably but into a recliner to one side of you and an IV pole attached to a PICC line your other arm. Staring into endless needles of high-powered steroid after steroids and a few bags of chemo, handfuls of pills that burn, more handfuls of pills to keep the others from burning -- this is only the beginning of what some people feel. All I could imagine was how painful and trying it must be for other people whose treatments were longer and more complicated. Painful and trying but truly hopeful. I could hear the 4-year old child next door screaming and crying and throwing things when the medicine carts would roll into his room. I felt exactly the same way he did, but until lately, I haven't really cried about it. And I almost threw something yesterday, but I didn't.

Stage One. Now, Stage Two.

With a lot of therapy inside and out, for the emotional side of illness and for the other things that I haven't talked about here that fell away from my life in the past year and a half, my deal to myself is to enter a new stage, to understand and heal from the inside out on my own with pills you can't see. But maybe now that I am at the point in retrospect where I can admit that I *was* sick, and now I cry in fits of panic and fear about what happened, that's hard for me to deal with. but it means that I can start moving on now and I will.

Remember me telling you that one day, you'd look back and see how far you came? Remember that my mom said "You have to feel bad to feel good?" Well, I guess I'm here to at least tell you that, yes, you get there. In small steps , you falls and recovery, and you get there.

Another reason I haven't talked much about what has been going on was because it's very hard to keep my balance on a tightrope and look down into a cavern underneath me. So I didn't, I don't, and unless your motivation works best that way, I think no one should.

So, my point, and I do have one: now it's time to talk about other things. Now it's time to talk about things like staying healthy, body-wise and emotionally. Let's talk about nutrition like I said I would, and about things that can keep you and your blood healthy. I want to talk about the positive things that will happen to you despite the illness. I didn't forget I said I'd do that for you if you Googled here looking for some positive thoughts. I owe a lot of people a lot of things here, so it's time to start.

That sounds like we need a recipe. Yes, a recipe. If you feel up to it, cooking can be a a truly therapeutic thing, all around. Plus, you need good nutrition to heal faster. This I know from experience. So get out your whisk.

2008-02-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

"We do spiritual ceremonies as human beings in order to create a safe resting space for our most complicated feelings of joy or trauma, so that we don't have to haul those feelings around with us forever, weighing us down. We all need such places of ritual safekeeping. And I do believe that if your culture or tradition doesn't have the specific ritual you're craving, then you are absolutely permitted to make up a ceremony of your own..."
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

I think it's wholly fascinating that joy and trauma are so close to each other -- laughing oftentimes looks like crying, and the reverse. Sadness is a degenerative state. Happiness is a regenerative emotion. Luckily and sadly, neither one of them are permanent. To me, life seems to melt from solid to liquid, evaporating into gas only to condense back into a solid, usually after a long, hard freeze.

I believe in a higher and all-encompassing power of good. I'm not setting out to convert anyone. But I just know that when I've learned, it means that it's been revealed to me past the bad and into the good -- things like learning the difference between strength and denial. Strength is active, denial is passive. One holds you down in a moldy basement gladly, the other lifts you up to see the stars in the darkness of night. To begin again, you must realize that fear takes many forms -- anger, hate, mockery, repression, apathy, loneliness, pettiness and so on -- in my life, fear equals letting go. I've had to let so many people go, naturally and unnaturally, which is not something I am innately good at. Lately especially, I've had to practice letting go. I replace fear with hope. But still every time, letting go hurts beyond words, years, and sometimes beyond a lifetime.

But I've also learned that replacing fear with hope equals peace. And peace feels like a soft, heavy, warm blanket that sinks down on you and then through you, all the way to your heart.

I am never good at letting go of people I love. I'm not even good at letting nearly loved people go. Which I'm realizing to myself that I "nearly love" a lot people, and I cherish them sometimes more than they can themselves, and I have a hard time giving up on them. It's not something I do on purpose, but I see the potential in just about everyone.

Faith, hope, and devotion: my strengths have sometimes also been my weakness. Even though it all hurts every time, I'm not giving up one, single thing that I believe in today. In fact and despite it all, I will probably add even more things to believe in tomorrow. In other words, I will strengthen through trauma with joy.

"Happy Birthday to me."

2007-08-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

"The squeaky wheel gets the oil," she said.

My mother is the one who taught me with old sayings and phrases. "Your granpap always used to say that. 'The squeaky wheel gets the oil'…"

How disturbing, I thought. How many times within a week did he have to confront someone acting like a squeaky wheel, I'd think, to work that into a conversation enough to say it all the time? The questions kept pouring in: What did he do for a living? Where am I from anyway? Why doesn't the word "yonder" come naturally to me, why don't I already just know these saying and phrases? And how can I weave this new one that I've just learned into a third grade conversation without sounding like Benjamin Franklin, reincarnated. Luckily, I never found the opportunity to work this phrase in at such a young age.

I remember lying sprawled across my mother's bed which was gigantic to me at the time and was covered with a white chenille bedspread. There I was, thinking again. Nothing unusual, just thinking and staring up at the ceiling, and enjoying that it was night again. Taking a break from that, I watched my mother putting on her makeup in the bathroom. She looked irritated with her hair. (Her word would be "aggravated".) I have no idea why or what I asked her, but it lead to a brief conversation on gray hair and wrinkles. "Why do people get gray hair and wrinkles?" I asked. "Oh, just getting old. It happens to everybody." I secretly panicked at that thought as she tucked her hair back here and there and gave herself a final inspection. "…just thank God it doesn't happen all at once."

It wasn't a normal answer for anyone my age, I'm sure; but it made good sense to me in that mildly edgy, comforting way. I considered it and nodded. I think she's tall and pretty, I thought. She looks mad, but she's not. She's being funny in the face of it all. And yes, I did think these thoughts when I was little. Probably because of all the answers my parents gave me at a young age -- they made me laugh and think at the same time. Maybe not always in that order though.

"In order to have a friend, you must be one." And "always return something in better shape than when you borrowed it." Pointing up between rain clouds one afternoon just beginning to go evening, she remarked on a small hole between the clouds just big enough to see the blue sky behind it all. "There's just enough blue in that sky to patch a pair of pants." As only a 15 year old high school girl can do, I looked at her in a way that suggested she'd just whipped that one out of her aluminum space-bonnet on her long, boring rocket ship journey from the planet Mars. "Nope, your Mama Sue used to always say that…'There's just enough blue in that sky to patch a pair of pants'…"

Why? I asked. "Beats the heck out of me, but I think I can see what she was getting at."

"Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." If I ever had to describe my mother, I'd just start by listing off all of her friends. She has a vast array of friends. Each one is unique and different, like a special, handcut gemstone all set in a solid gold crown she wears like a party hat when they're all get together. Everyday is a birthday when she's with friends. And it's an honor to know her friends.

"Quality over quantity," is how we both live. But to look at the exquisite examples around her, she has both. She has friends from 50 years ago and some from 50 minutes ago. Maybe you've already met her – yesterday in a checkout line at Kroger's most probably, or at a crafts fair three years ago. Or at a campsite in the mountains, or just passing by as you walked your dog. "I'd talk to a rock if I had the chance," she told me once as I rolled my eyes, after sitting outside for 45 minutes in a sizzling hot car, just waiting for her to stop making friends in the McDade grocery store. "She never met a stranger," is how my dad put it. I bet sometimes, he wished she had.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with rocks. But she's a little more choosy than that. She chose her friends, and they chose her. "You can always tell someone by the company that they keep." I know that's true. And when I look at my mother's friends, I see angels and healers, cooks and artists, actors and comedians, Buddhists and Christians. Different and same. Daylight and dark. With just enough blue to patch a pair of pants.

When I look at my mother's friends, I see my mother. And happiness, acceptance, and laughter. Lots of laughter. And that is the best gift she could ever give anyone, and the best gift she could ever be to me.

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." That is how I can describe my mother on her birthday today, and for many more to come.

Happy Birthday, Mama!
xoxox --bny

2007-07-08T10:07:00.000-07:00

Choose to be like someone you admire. I admired my father, for loving us unconditionally, especially when we didn't deserve it, when we needed it most. I wanted to be like him ~ tough but never kicking anyone when they were down ~ living life without much fuss but with a sense of humor; but he also quietly helped people along the way, and I secretly admired that the most. I could spend the rest of my life trying to be like he was for one day. He was honest, brave, faithful, strong, very funny, tough yet kind-hearted, and absolutely brilliant ~ and modest about it all. For years, he silently worked his magic behind the scenes. People loved to be around him. He was a man of character. "Character is what you do when no one is looking." It's not bought, it's not for sale. It's grown.

Making mistakes in your life is human. But growing into the person you admire is divine. Instead of living with mistakes and faults, letting blame and festered emotions uselessly divide-and-conquer everyone from the inside out, use all your strength to pull yourself through, letting go so you can grow past them into the person you want to be. Try it just once, and you'll see that you aren't the victim anymore. Things will be so clear that you can see every leaf on a tree and wonder how you never saw them before.

I will always admire my mother, too. She took care of my father every day she knew him, and she sang to him in the hospital and held his hands. She looked out for his happiness and safety like a growling mother bear, always. That's how much she loved him and fought for him against the toughest odds. She took care of his health, his happiness and his heart. "Y'mama takes good care of me," he told me so himself once with his sincerest expression, grey-blue eyes fixed wide with no-doubt, although I already knew it all. And she never thought twice about stepping up to take care of those sick, at her job and in her family, starting with her mother and father and eventually trickling all the way down to each of us in the house.

That takes a real edge of strength and courage, to help with the healing process of people and especially if not healing them, then to usher them to a place of true peace and happiness. Sitting with her in the hospital with my dad that last time, I know now I wouldn't give anything for being there. It felt like someone flung a door wide open, when time and mere existence whipped past me, zipping through me all at once, like a pressurized plane cabin at 40, 000 feet high; and it was enough just to hold on, trying to hug together what would be the flying shrapnel of my living world crushing, imploding, and tearing apart right in front of me ~ but at that exact moment, a whole new beautiful something settled down just long enough for me to recognize it as it jumped through the open door before us all. I saw that one thing clearly with my own eyes that I'd always wondered yet believed ~ things that you can't see do exist. Good things, graceful things. Strength, love, and courage together. And here in front of me, I had two of the strongest people that I've ever known existing in strength, love, and courage, right in front of my very eyes.

I knew: If I could be like them both, combined, it would be a true honor. And it would take the rest of my life trying. So, it will. Knowing that nothing in this world will ever hurt me as much or heal me with time as the passing over of someone I truly love and respect is a mind-boggling truism of life. No one is perfect, but you should die trying to be close to happiness in the face of anything, and for everyone. So I try, every moment now ~ one quiet step, misstep, and another strong step at a time.

Who Needs More Iron?

2007-06-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

You do if you're anemic, or if you don't want to be. Sure, I take prescription iron 3 times a day, but according to my last blood count, I still need a boost in red blood cell production. So lately, I've been craving quinoa.

Whatever the body wants, the body gets, right? Except it really has been begging for Chex Mix, too, and Popeye's fried chicken with onion rings, but it ain't getting that.

Back to quinoa. Besides my own internal cravings and a bunch of nutritionists, who knew quinoa was rich in iron? Who even knows what quinoa (keen-wah) is? After a quick internet research, I'm still not sure ~ is it a grain, a seed, or is it the fruit of an herb?

It doesn't matter to me. It's just plain good. And yes, good for you. Plus it has plenty iron and amino acids (protein) and fiber, so it's tripley-good for you and your inner being, especially if you've gotten tired of the old-standbys of comforting mashed potatoes or buttered brown rice (which also contains a boost of iron over the plain white variety).

Quinoa is easy to cook and versatile, too. Spice it up savory or sweeten it lightly. I have never tried this recipe at 101cookbooks, but it sounds extremely good. Plus it has a photo.

Just for reference, one cup of dry quinoa can make about 4 to 6 servings and contains 87% the recommended daily allowance of iron.

> Start with one cup rinsed quinoa (toast it lightly - in the boiling pot coated with a tablespoon of olive oil - about 5 minutes until it smells nutty),

> add 1-1/2 cups water with a few grinds of sea salt,

> bring to a boil, then simmer (covered) for about 10-15 minutes or until most of the liquid is absorbed.

You'll know it's fully-cooked when you see the germ-spirals separate from the expanded grains. It's like your very own surprise-party in a pan.

Turn off the heat, fluff it up with a fork like you do with rice, and let it sit for covered about 5 minutes to ensure all the liquid is absorbed. And that's all it is to cooking it. Now, just season it up with fresh ingredients.

Try a bowlful with chopped tomatoes, toasted pine nuts, and frozen peas (warmed up the peas in the same skillet as the toasted nuts after they were toasted), and add a swirl more of olive oil and freshly ground salt and pepper.

Leftovers are easy. Portion them off into single-serving containers, and get creative later. For example, throw in some freshly chopped cilantro, chopped tomato, fresh corn kernels, and (of course) frozen peas. Then add a good swirl of olive oil and salt'n'pepper with two squeezes of lime across the top. Throw a few black beans in there if you wanted, but you already have a good serving of fiber and protein going for you with the quinoa alone.

Quinoa is tasty served hot or cold, savory or sweet, just waiting for you to toss in some fresh ingredients. Try it. I see some quinoa in my very near future with avocados and lime...make up a recipe and send it in to me.

For all the nutritional data on quinoa and everything else, check out nutritiondata.com.

High Apple Pie in the Sky Hopes

2007-04-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

I get the best emails from a friend of mine. Lately, I've been really working from both ends of the spectrum on getting life back to as-normal-as-I-get after this treatment for aplastic anemia (coming up on the 100 day mark, this coming Tuesday). Every day, he sends me and list of people an email featuring Ralph Marston. Very positive and insightful. This Ralph Marston is better than caffeine every morning. Well, ok, almost -- I still need the coffee, half-caff. I try. So anyway, I thought I'd keep posting the emails while I get back into the groove soon. Not the rut, just the groove. I like this one in particular. It's my favorite subject matter, about The Little Guy Getting Ahead with big value from small opportunities:

"Sometimes the opportunities that seem the smallest are the best. For they're the opportunities that have the most room for growth. The biggest, most obvious opportunities attract a great deal of attention. That can make them fiercely competitive because of all the people who seek tomake the most of them. Small opportunities can go largely unnoticed.

"Yet for someone who makes the effort to see it, a small opportunity can be an ideal platform on which to build great value. Small opportunities are numerous and widely available. You could spend yourwhole life waiting for a big opportunity, while many small opportunities comealong every day.

"Small opportunities usually offer more latitude, flexibility and room forcreativity. With small opportunities you can make the most of your own unique passion and purpose. Open your eyes to the abundance of seemingly small opportunities that arrivein your world on a daily basis. For even with small opportunities you can create big value."

-- Ralph Marston

Go, Ralphie! Thanks for the positive goods!

Haven't had proper time to write.

2007-04-03T13:56:00.000-07:00

But I do have time to share. Got this in the email today from a friend.

"A Positive Way"

How do you keep yourself positive when the people around you are so negative? How can you maintain a positive approach when the situations and events around you are so troublesome? A sincerely positive attitude is not a reaction to the way things are. Rather, it is an expression of the way you choose for things to be.

Being positive is not an unrealistic or naive view of a negative world. It provides you with a solid foundation for making real improvements in the world and creating meaningful value.

Being positively focused enables you to see, and to make the most of, opportunities that would otherwise be invisible. Being positive gives you the energy to move forward no matter what the obstacles may be.

When you focus on the positive aspects of a situation, there will be plenty of people who disagree with you. But that is their problem, not yours.

Look beyond those who argue for defeat, and find the path to victory. Whatever the current situation may be, you can always choose a positive way forward.

-- Ralph Marston

And when all else fails,

2007-03-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

...a little superficial shopping never hurts. Check out these Mary Jane boots. And, I really want the "Rain Rain, Go Away" blue sky umbrella. Hey, not everything has to be so serious to be so positive. Just don't get too crazy with the credit card.

You learn by continuing on.

2007-03-05T18:43:00.000-08:00

Think about your life and how it starts.

You start with a clean slate as a tiny, wailing-crying baby human. You have no idea where you are, but you continue on. From there, for at least the next 18 years, you learn. Someone teaches you to eat, to brush your hair, to wash your face, to be kind to others, to eat your vegetables, to write a term paper, to solve an algebra problem, to fly a kite. You are trained to go to school, from age 5 to age 18, at the very least. Then, you go on to what you think you will do for the rest of your life ~ you get to choose what and where you learn at a college or university, where you can easily spend at least 4 years, maybe 10 if you feel like it. Then, you are in the world, on your own. You have no idea where you are, but you continue on. Unless you apply the teachings you have learned, it's all just useless trivia. With all the years of textbooks and tests, we all know that the most important things you've learned, you learned them when you were just a child, just before you went to school. "Some people never grow up, they just grow older," my mom told me once, explaining the juvenile pettiness of someone I'd encountered along the way in life. Whether you realize it or not, we all choose everyday, of whether to learn and to grow or to not, with just the smallest actions we do, or don't do. "Character is what you do when no one is looking," I read once. You have no idea where you are, but you continue on. You have to listen to your intuition, between what you know is right or wrong, and choose the right answer. You don't have to, but that's the way it was set up. Someone taught you the difference between the two along the way. If they didn't, then it's never too late to learn. You have no idea where you are, but you continue on. And sometimes, that's all you need to know to continue on. Life is that easy and that hard at the same time. Sometimes that is all you need to know. The rest is just photos and yearbooks and useless worry. The best solution isn't always the easiest, but right is right for a reason. It works.

Healing Nutrition

2007-02-22T08:43:00.000-08:00

Oh, you can't tell me that nutrition isn't a part of overall healing and maintaining health and well-being. In my quest to find superfoods which may help boost immunity or promote healthy cell growth or keep donated blood and platelets happier, I found a great site, Nutrition Data ~ a huge amount of information on any food you may be researching. Anyone besides me like steamed okra? Just me then? Ok, I admit it ~ I love okra. Enjoy!

"Joy is internal and eternal." ~ R. Olivier

2007-02-18T13:37:00.000-08:00

Over the years, I've known several people who've ended up committing suicide, in one way or another. The first one was named Jeff. The moment I met him and shook his hand, I saw the pain in his eyes, and knew he'd kill himself and that there was nothing I could do to make him feel better. We worked together one summer repairing chipped, beveled glass entry doors of overblown mansions and the cracked stained glass windows of tiny, old country churches ~ guess which ones I enjoyed most? The ones painted in deep, rich tones of blood red and golden light with contentedness and peachy skin tones, telling stories to the simple peasants like me, with paintings, examples, resurrecting the sunlight into heavenly streamers and ribbons crawling across wooden floors.

The second person I knew was named Spencer. I knew when I met him, he was too nice to survive in this world, I thought. "I can't watch this," I thought, not getting involved in his life but wanting to, wanting to help him. Scared of him as I saw myself. One night, a girl of not much worth broke his heart, left him right after his mother died from cancer. So, with a bravery and weakness I can and can't imagine, taught that it's a sin to end your own life, he put his driver's license in one back pocket, his birth certificate in the other, and threw himself in front of a train.

Many people I have known since then haven't died, but they are living zombies. Not long ago, so was I ~ zombied ~ I knew it, it almost killed me, and it scared me. That slow, droning feeling that life "just sucks" and has no point: relatives and few really close friends along the way drank themselves and everyone around them into living hell. They're still alive, but really, they're not there anymore. It surprises me, but at the same time, it doesn't. I wish I could help everyone. But I can't. But.

I'm not sure what my point is except that I know how hard it is to remain positive or to actually be positive and change your outlook on life. Honestly as always, I've been so close to never feeling one more positive thought ever again that I wanted to punch people in the mouth for even suggesting it. At this point, you need to stop and think, "What am I thankful for?" Think of one thing. If you have only one thing, then you have something. If you have zero, then search and create one thing to be thankful for. Because if you have one, odds are, you will soon be able to count up three, then seven. Then, announce them out loud. Silently acknowledging your counted blessings is good, but fighting back and throwing them out to the universe is the key. You will be heard, and don't let anyone take that away from you.

Life is hard. Being sick is hard. Being well is hard. Being alive is hard. Being dead is hard on everyone else. Patience and peace is hardest of all. When you feel terrible enough, at the end of your rope clinging onto the unravelling knot, remember that "happiness is external, and joy comes from within." These words came to me today through a talk by Ross Olivier. "Never give up, never say die," is what my father said after every surgery and every treatment. Tell yourself that every day.

Hair can get you thinkin'...

2007-02-15T09:52:00.000-08:00

I have only donated blood once in my life. Since I'm O+, now I feel I should've donated more along the way. O+ donors are needed more frequently than any other donor because O+ is the most common Blood type (39% of the population) and is needed more often by people requiring blood in hospitals.

Now that I have this blood disorder, even though it's curable, I asked my mother and nurses if I can ever donate blood again ~ to replenish that stash that I have taken from, given by divine, selfless people walking the face of this earth. But my mother and the others just give me The Sheepish Look and say, "Maybe. But probably not." I will ask my doctor in two weeks. But in the end, to be safe, I probably won't donate. But I will give something back, somehow. A friend of mine who just happens to be gay told me, ruefully, jokingly, "I'd have donated, but they don't take blood from my kind." I said, "What kind...blonde?"

To that friend reading, I love you. You have donated more than blood to me already. You have donated your heart and so many laughs, it'll take me forever to pay you back.

I've been thinking what I can do to give something back. For most of my life, I've had longish, curly, dark-brown hair. I usually just keep it up in a ponytail or a "bunnytail" is what I call it ~ a ponytail doubled, to almost a bun. When I was in the hospital, the ATGam drug I took intravenously was considered chemotherapy. Wide-eyed, "Will my hair fall out?" jumped out of my mouth to the chemo nurse, hanging the bag on my drip-pole (which I'd nicknamed Mark Watowski, of Polish descent), screwing the dripline into my arm. "No," she assured me. But then, it made me think, "Why was that the first thing I could think of?" I felt shallow. But then again, I started thinking.

When you lose your hair with cancer treatments, especially for women, you lose *something normal*, and it lables you immediately as "sick" or "victim", I've imagined. Sometimes when you're sick, you don't really want anyone to know you're sick, or you don't want anyone to think you have something contagious or wrong with you. Cancer isn't contagious. But it's overwhelming and way too personal. You want to get away from your body, but you're constantly reminded that you are sick.

Of the time I spent in the hospital, seven days in all I think, when the pain and the burn and the true discomfort of the drugs hit me hardest, my mom would say, "I tell everyone, 'You have to feel bad to feel good again.' This will make you well."

She should know: For years, she worked in the same hematology clinic that I go to now for my aplastic anemia. For years, she has taken care of sick and dying people. Her father and mother died of cancer. She ushered them out. My father died of leukemia, and watching him fly away as she sung to him and stroked his hair and held his hand all the way through, I can say now with a strength I never thought I'd have, I can say that was a gift of seeing Heaven on Earth, to be in that kind of strength and love. And now, she has me to heal and deal with ~ how lucky we all are to have her and her knowledge of hematology and oncology ~ and undying strength.

...and her biting sarcasm which keeps you two steps ahead, on your toes, but that is another story altogether.

But when I thought about "feeling bad to feel good", and how bad this treatment felt, I knew it was nothing compared to cancer treatments, like hardcore treatments I hope to never experience, which knocks every hair off of a body. So as they say around these parts, "It got to me to thinkin'..."

Yesterday, the chief meteorologist at WLBT named Barbie Bassett reported live from the Valentine's Day Blood Drive. Along the way, they mentioned she was growing her hair out to donate to Locks of Love. That is an amazing contribution for her or anyone to make, and an amazing program I keep forgetting about. So I've been joking at itp wtf? about how cyclosporine makes hair grow, and boy, it does. Don't you think the least I could do to give something back to someone is grow out at least 10 inches of hair and donate it? Now I'm not talkin' about donating my Herve Villachez pushbroom moustache ~ I'm talking ponytail. Right now, I do have about 10 inches, but really, it needs a good trimming to even up the ends and thicken out some layering. To me, my hair looks a little moth-eaten around the ends. Well. Neglect and aplastic anemia will do that to you. I've been *kinda busy* the last few months. But it's nothing like cancer. And you know, a longish, curly, dark-brown bunnytail may be just beautiful to, and on, someone else.

I'll research how long that might take me, and I'll keep you posted on that. Now, if only I could donate the handlebar moustache, we'd be in business.

Valentine's Day Blood Drive in Jackson, MS

2007-02-14T12:30:00.000-08:00

By 12:15pm today, the Mississippi Blood Services has had over 220 donors. One blood donation can save up to 3 lives with what I've started calling The Trinity ~ red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. People are standing in line to give their blood freely. I swear. That is way past "love", it's amazing. If I could donate, I would ~ but this is the only way I can donate by spreading the word.

The blood drive will be going on all day today until 7:00pm on Lakeland Drive. You'll get a Marshall Ramsey t-shirt if you donate. The blood drive will be going on all day today until 7:00pm on Lakeland Drive. Hug a blood donor today. And thanks to WLBT for the live report.

Warning: My New Valentine

2007-02-14T09:00:00.000-08:00

I posted this at itp wtf?, too, but thought it might also be helpful here if you are researching any information about PICC Lines. I was terrified of getting one, mainly because with ITP and aplastic anemia and all the negative articles and postings I was reading already, it was just another thing that scared the beejoobies out of me: having a plastic tube inserted into my vein and over to my heart. But trust me, if this has been suggested to you by a professional as needed for your medical treatment, take it. It won't take you long to get used to it with proper care.

Don't look if you are gonna be grossed out, but I wanted to show you the new love of my life ~ my PICC Line, the direct line to my life with aplastic anemia and my heart. Literally.

"Ok, she had me up until this picture, and now I'm totally grossed out. Why did she post this picture? What drug is she on? And why is her new favorite word 'literally'...?"

No no no, you don't understand. Give my new man a chance. I love him. He has a face that only a mother could love. But this boinic-looking invention means that instead of getting one thousand needle-sticks by now, I just give blood samples and receive tranfusions and even medications like steroids through this line. The end.

What's my point: If you are scared of getting a PICC Line, please don't be. Odds are, the professionals have suggested it to you for a good reason such as you have crappy, tiny veins like me, and this is the best thing for you to do.

One day, as I was getting a benadryl-dozy platelet tranfusion (I'm a relatively happy, cheap date on benadryl), the PICC Line nurse told me, "You know, we have a patient who refused a PICC Line because he's afraid of the idea. We don't know what to do. He's going to have a hard time. He's thinking about not even taking the treatment." That broke my heart. I immediately asked for the universe to intervene and make this man come to his senses. Modern medical technology is a gift, and for a reason. I wish that American pharmaceutical companies spent more on researching new drugs than giving out free keychains and squeezy balls and logo-emblazoned trinkets and free lunches since there is no such thing as a free lunch, or a free kitten, if you need to know the truth...

Not that I'm saying you need to eat a kitten for lunch...am I ranting? Must be the hormones.

What I'm saying is: If anyone googles to this page looking for information on a PICC Line, scared to death of the whole idea like I was, trust me ~ it only hurts for a little while, you'll get used to it, and it's the best thing you can ever do in this case.

Speaking of necessary pain that only hurts for so long, keep your insurance premiums current and paid. This amazing stuff isn't cheap (thanks to free lunches, passing the savings on to you and the hospital). The cost of the drug ATGam I took in the IV for 4 days alone was $28,000. My point is that the minute you think you don't need insurance, you might as well gamble the deed to your house on the craps table. Or stick your kitty in a slot machine. Me-OW.

Not to scare you, nothing to be frightened of, just get the care you need. And plenty of love. Aww.

~ Happy Valentine's Day, go forth and eat candy! ~

"Gross! She posted another picture of, what, her getting platelets...ewwww. Hey. Dang...steroids went straight to her, uhhh, chest...area. Well then...maybe this PICC Line thing isn't such a bad idea after all."

Today's project: patience and repair.

2007-02-11T08:20:00.000-08:00

The following is a duplicate entry I posted over at The Yarden. When you are sick, your world can become very small yet largely overwhelming at the same time. But, when you begin to heal, it's a long process that can drive you crazy between stages of increasing health and wellness. To keep yourself from cabin-fever stir-crazy, my advice: Expand your world from the inside out and make something with your hands and with your mind.

Today's project: patience and repair.

Well, the moment I say we're going to get in the yarden to plant roses, the weather went very cold on us for a few days ~ down in the 30s with rainshowers, no ice here though. Isn't that always the way? But that is good in the end. It makes you look for other things to tidy up while the sun shines somewhere behind the clouds, waiting. Soon enough, it will be really hot and humid here. Too hot and humid if you ask me. I like the occasional snows of Memphis, but the flowers and vegetation here in Mississippi can get Amazon-lush quickly, and it's big and bold and beautiful when it comes on.

But for now, here I am: In the sewing room turned beadshop, with the gas heater burning low behind me. I'm repairing my dad's work of art that I pilfered from his workshop awnings. He made this windchime years ago out of some huge, spent caliber shells (obviously military) and a lead fishing line weight for the *dinger.* The fishing line has rotted, and the coffee can lid he used as the windcatcher crumbled in my hands as I carefully lifted it down. I found this coffee can lid he had labeled, carefully, as a thorough research chemist would tend to do. And I love that it's his handwriting, so it's perfect.

The structure it all hangs on was carefully twisted from heavy gauge wire that is now mostly rust and weathered bits of corrosion. But to me, it's beautiful. I'm keeping it as long as it holds up because he made it with his own hands, and it reminds me of him and his spirit, still lingering in the winds around me. I look up at the blue sky and see the color of his eyes. It makes me cry every time I think of him, but I smile at the same time ~ honored to know such a good man who touched so many people's lives in such a giving, laughing way. I thank God for knowing him, and know I will see his eyes and hold his hand one day.

It's what I not only believe, but I know because I've seen it. I promise it exists, if that helps you to know that. And so, we need patience. Patience is so hard. To me, that is the word for the day for about 64 days in a row now. But while you are waiting for whatever it is you are wanting or needing, don't forget to spread around some seeds of goodness. That's one of the reasons we're all here to begin with, I think. And with patience, everything grows. Platelets, roses, and all things good.

~ To have a wonderful day, make it that way. ~

Dear Santa, I Want Foods That May Help Build Platelets

2007-02-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

After I found out I had aplastic anemia, I had to know more. I wanted to know, first, what it was. According to the internet, that was scary enough. My case was brought on by ITP (immune thrombocytopenic purpura) which personally, I can barely pronounce, and I'd never heard of it either. The way ITP is presented on the internet, it looks like "you got a stigmatic virus and, oh boy, you better hold on." Except for the "holding on" part, that's not exactly the case. What I wanted to know was "how to fix it."

So if you have googled here to find out some positive nutritional information to help *build* platelets, at least with what I know and am experiencing, you googled to the right place. Me, I took ATGam intraveniously for 4 days and am now maintaining my bone marrow growth with cyclosporine for at least 3 months, and taking blood and platelet transfusions as needed until I grow my own platelets again. And now, I'm researching proper nutrition to hold and build platelets.

"What can I do to grow my own platelets again?" is all I could think. Then I'd get The Pitiful Look like I had just asked someone the truth about Santa Claus.

I went to message boards, looking for foods that help build platelets. I walked away with one, black comment posted on my brain that tied my stomach in a knot:

"Nothing you can eat will help you build platelets."

How grim is that, even if it does have a certain amount of truth to it. And then, someone swore Strawberry PopTarts helped them, and that just ended up in a firey thread of accusations and frustrations. So I never went back to that board. Instead, I researched everywhere else, and started with folic acid, especially studies for pregnant women building up nutritional levels for healthier babies.

To me, proper nutrition in growing babies could also help in growing baby platelets. Hey, why not? Hell. I'd eat moondust if it'd build platelets. But it seems folic acid was something easier and readily accessible to try.

Finding a list of foods containing folic acid, I began eating more oranges and the leafiest green salads I could get -- namely my mom's. She'll put at least 7 to 10 different chopped ingredients in them on top of a spring mix with spinach and toss with oils to coat lightly. Check it out, they are gorgeous.

This one has romaine lettuce, grape tomatoes, cucumber, avocado, red seedless grapes, mandarin oranges, chopped pecans, balsamic-vinaigrette dressing (this was "No-Carb Gourmet" brand) and sesame oil, for flair. Yummy "platelet-making-maybe-why-not" flair.

Pair it up with vegetable soup or a small bit of lean protein which is always good for the blood overall, especially red meat for your iron intake and building hematocrit levels.

One note: The only thing I can say about adding oranges to your diet is to make sure they and grapefruit are okay to eat with the prescription medications you are taking. Grapefruit has been found to interfere negatively with certain medications.

Also, I just found this link on Carepages.com with Healing Recipes and tips ~ looks good. Through Carepages.com, we keep up with a patient who's very special to us at St. Jude. I'll have to tell you that divinely, unbelievable story someday soon. It's long but good and will have a happy ending.

And another thing: It takes energy to make a salad. And when your body and soul is worn down, drive-thru. If you are too tired to make a salad, I can recommend the salads at Arby's, and even Wendy's or McDonald's, these days. In that order, Arby's has the absolute freshest drive-thru salads, like the Arby's Market Fresh Martha's Vineyard salad featuring grilled chicken, apples, cheese, dried cranberries, and toasted almonds with a raspberry vinaigrette.

And, at Arby's, you can also get lean protein roast beef or turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread. Or, try a wrap. When you are sick, remember that you can heal faster with healthy eating, medications taken as directed, and especially rest. So eat well, and remember to treat yourself with a comforting food or just a beautiful cookie or two now and then ~ because that will make you happy, and you need "happy" to get well.

And The truth about Santa Claus is that he does exist, he really does, as long as you believe in the spirit of giving and receiving happiness and joy. And, he likes beautiful cookies, too.

I want to take a shower.

2007-01-30T07:47:00.000-08:00

Really, I want to take a long, hot bath -- one that doesn't resemble an awkward, lukewarm bullride. I truly love my PICC Line, and highly recommend them for anyone with a blood disorder (don't be scared of them, they are worth it). But man, I have to hold my right arm straight up to the sky the entire time I take what I call a *monkey-bath* -- it's a shallow, warm bath where I do a lot of light, soapy scrubbing (note to those with aplastic anemia, scratch yourself and you'll remember that you forgot your blood doesn't clot properly).

Boy. When it came to washing my hair at home for the first time after the hospital treatments (which was all I could blurrily think of those last two days of seven - bathbathbath. It wasn't vanity, it was necessity and respect for everyone within short distance of me.) Oh man, I got it All Wrong, getting my PICC Line dressing soaked, my insertion point burned and bled, scaring the ever-living hell out of me emotionally for the first time that I was never, ever going to get better. My poor mom -- she is a saint for taking care of me. I bawled like a baby as she reapplied my dressing, and slowly my PICC Line point healed again. But, it was real to me then.

So if you are googling by, trying to learn more about ITP and aplastic anemia, note this: Find a good doctor you trust (email me if you need to know the exceptional one I use), take your PICC Line, take your treatments, take your medicines religiously, and I will tell you -- things will get better, day-by-day. Oh, you won't think so, but they do. Any illness is a physical and emotional thing. Take care of your emotions, and you can climb mountains. You have to learn and relearn so many daily things you take for granted, don't give up.

For example, today I had to double my cyclosporin dosage, and it sucker-punched me, hard. Grabbed me by the throat, physically and emotionally, and made me remember, "Oh yeah, I remember this burn, this fear, this attack." Took me back to scared mode, one month ago, when I thought I'd never feel good again. But I do, and that burn means it's working. Or going to -- believe that it will work, take that punch.

Especially if you take the treatment ATGam and cyclosporine -- if you have general questions, feel free to email me. If nothing else from my experience, I'll give you tips I found like "tell them to give you Protonix before you begin taking cyclosporin caplets." You can read some fairly hopeless internet submissions on your blood disorder if you are researching, but don't listen. This is something curable. But it takes time.

Anyway, back to bubbly thoughts: I would love to submerge my arm and take those long hot baths I lived for. With bath bombs and bubbles and books. But that is more than just the smallest problem in the world. Everytime I reach up with that straight arm, I think about it this way: we are so fortunate to have a treatment for aplastic anemia. Even though it's hard waiting to see when I'll start making platelets again, so far, not yet. But my body has never been healthier and *rebooted* of any toxin (shoot, cheap red wine was about the most toxic thing I had in it). I finally asked my mother what happens if I don't make platelets again. She straightened her shoulders and said, "We try something else."

My point is: Like life, I try not to focus on what doesn't work, and focus on what does. I focus on how fortunate my life has become with treatment and transfusions to reboot from the inside-out with a new body and evolving new life and mind. As will yours, my life now revolves around numbers -- times to take pills religiously, platelet counts, days between doctor's visits, and medical costs. But the pros outweigh the cons. Remember, with aplastic anemia of this type, you have to live from the inside-out to rebuild. So, the best thing you can do while you are healing is give yourself mental peace, however you can. ITP-related disorders like mine and others can be set off by stress, I have read. And, I can tell you, I absolutely know it contributed to my case.

If I can say anything positive to help you out with any of my experience so far with ITP, aplastic anemia and any amateur research I'm doing regarding nutrition and other factors that may help you, again, email me. If I don't write back fairly quickly, I am probably in the bath, reaching my hand straight up to the sky where it belongs.

(Or, I'm researching nutritious recipes and products for you to try. Those are coming soon.)

Stained-glass windows

2007-01-16T20:00:00.000-08:00

With this sickness thing, with any sickness thing, or even on a normal day, sometimes, you just want to get away from yourself. But you live there. Grab a mirror, and look into your eyes, right into them. Odds are, you might've forgotten what color they really are, and say "Look, I know you're in there. I see you, the last part of a body that sparkles. What can I do for you? Anything you want. Because you won't be like this forever."And then do it. Pat your face with a warm cloth or cold, and take a breath. Someone inside is pulling for you. And someone outside is pulling for you, too. Don't forget, you heal. It just feels like forever. And then, I personally like to finish it off with a little cookie. Or best idea yet, nap. Dream.

Always Remember to Never Forget

2007-01-15T15:56:00.000-08:00

In remembrance of Martin Luther King, JR -- he had a dream. He still has one, I know it. Keep it alive.

Today's Obvious Suggestion but: Get a book and write things down. When you feel good, when you feel bad, journal it down when you feel the urge or sometimes not. Scribble. Exercise your hands. It's yours to do with whatever you want. Make it simple. Thank people. Thank your God, pick one out, try one on, contemplate another's religious and spiritual views, thank the powers of good that heal. Thank Nature for its endless cycle of renewal.

Ok, here's one for you: Think about planted bulbs, flowers, and trees, and how they die off, dropping all leaves, looking so helpless and gone, but inside, they are resting, getting ready to burst forth again, then take your breath away in the warm, sunny spring with that beautiful neon green, budding with new leaves and flowers gently lifting themselves higher to the warm sunshine of Spring. And all you want is to lie back in the soft grass and sigh. Don't be like me and think about bugs, unless they are cute like butterflies and ladybugs.

Gooby enough for you yet? Ok, so try this quick fix instead: Eat one yummy cupcake with as much frosting as you like. Or a big teacake cookie shaped like a heart.

Everything has its cycle. So do you, and so does healing. What you are going through is physical and emotional. If you want to cry, you do it. But don't cry too hard, and you'll feel something hug you around the shoulders if you just get really still. I would if I could.

Draw a picture of a tattoo you might get one day. (Temporary tattoos are my goal. Love those basic, black Asian symbols.) Write down a number from 1 to 10 and make an animal out of it. The number 2 makes a good swan. Scribble down your favorite word over and over. It's up to you, ya know. Think about it, nobody like Monet or Mozart ever cared what anyone thought about their crazy scribblin's. They just did 'em.

A dear ol' friend of mine gave me an ink stamp with a golden retriever's head on it for Christmas, and I swear, just like in grade school, I give myself a 1, 2, or 3 Doghead day. Stamp stamp stamp. Don't I sound obnoxiously positive, but go with it. Then. you read back on it one day. Give yourself whatever you feel like, when you get really antsy on steroids or just being in your own body too much, read back on the good days you had because you have to look forward to good days that you think you'll never have again. But you will have good days. Again. My dear friend battling, unwavering that she is, a chronic disease head-on for over 2o+ solid years that I can count told me this, and she said it with a warm smile in her voice, a wonderful career helping people heal under her wings, and a life she has quietly crafted like a beautiful sandcastle at the warm sunny beach with two beautiful children to keep her on the run.

And another thing very important, Look Forward to Something. Example: My birthday's in 3 months (HINT HINT just kiddin'), incidentally the same 3-month length course of this second stage treatment, and I'll be damned if I don't celebrate it with a big slab o' rich, red velvet or almond buttercream cake and a nice glass of wine, possibly a nice White Bourdeaux -- something French, something I can't pronounce, but I saved the label for just such an emergency. I wish you could be there, and in a way, you will; and remember, you have a birthday, too, and you'll celebrate.

But you know, Valentine's Day is just a month away -- shoot for that. Any holiday that's just centered around candy and flowers and champagne, what's not to like? No significant other? Good news -- that just means more candy and flowers for you and me, baby.

More on Nutrition and Anemia

2007-01-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

Me and the ol' mom have really been hitting the leafy green vegetables hard these past few days. I recommend this highly so far -- spinach salads, broccoli bits, mandarin oranges, and avocados tossed in extra virgin olive oil with a lovely pinch of salt. Do it! My platelet counts today were falling but holding at 47k from 68k two days ago after transfusion. Throw some fresh lean protein on the side, like beef, or even dark meat chicken or turkey as I read dark meat has more iron content.

Another key is to sleep/rest/take a muscle relaxant prescribed by your doctor. Your mind will help your body and worry is hard to escape, but do it.

I'm still researching soy protein and B12, trying hard I try not to think about a pretty, fluffy sweet-faced cow, but for now, sadly -- moo. Have to keep red blood cells and hematocrit levels up.

Me'n'mo always tended toward the healthy stuff (You'd love my mom if you knew her. She's hilarious and will dance around the house with her hair stuck up like a Troll doll if it'll make you laugh), but she's grown oh-so attached to Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia in the past few months. I give her The Look, but can you freakin' blame her? And because I love her so, I will find some nutritional value in it for her. Let's tell her "calcium" and "antioxidants" from the cherries, okay? Plus, benefit: It's the lowfat variety of Ben and Jerry's, and you can't tell a difference until the myocardial infarction comes one day from the whole milk variety. So Just Say No to that because, hey, I care about ya. But MAN, Ben and Jerry's...you are just TOO GOOD.

Anyway, here's more positive, solid info I have found on nutrition, plus. Note I have yet to ask these people for permission to reprint this, so if anybody would like me to remove any of it, just email me and let me know. But I value your opinions on the information you're giving -- you are helping people with your experience, so I'm passing it along.

And, this particularly brave woman named Shelley is sharing her experience not with ITP but with HIV. She is bringing up a topic I desperately needed to share -- tell your doctor everything that is going on with your body. It changes sometimes from hour-to-hour, but Remember: Do Not Panic/It's Part of It. And, you might be helping someone down the road with this info.

A couple of days ago, with my aplastic anemia/ITP, I thought I had developed petechiae which freaked me out so bad, the doctor wanted me in the office right then. I bit the proverbial bullet and gave it two days with knotted cramps in my hands and feet, and my skin slowly turned into (my apologies in advance) cotto salami (ew-hew-hew, sorry, but be glad I won't post pics -- usually I'm that "oh man, you reallllly need a tan, girl" white shade); however, after the second day (and two Valium ;), I learned it was serum sickness. You do not want this, but it can be corrected with steroids, so go to the doctor. He even called other doctors in to look at me because it's not something they see a lot. I'll tell a kinda funny story on itpwtf.com about it. But anyway, check out the info I found at thebody.com.

Read up on her (unlike mine) complete and concise article here, but I have pulled out her nutritional notes posted below in italics. She's also experiencing some side effects I am not, but it is good to know. Whatever your health, get out there and eat your cleaned leafy veggies, and treat yourself to a little Cherry Garcia afterwards. What the hell. Enjoy!

Eating Right

First, I have learned about some of the foods that contain these vitamins. B-12 (cobalamin) is found in meat, fish, shellfish, poultry and to a lesser degree milk. If you are a vegetarian suffering from anemia you may need to research other food sources of B-12. Folic Acid (folacin) is found in Brewer's Yeast, spinach, asparagus, dark leafy greens, lima beans and even beef liver.

To help coordinate your meds with a healthy diet write out your typical activity schedule, including times you take meds and eat meals. Write out everything you eat in a 24-hr period. This will help you see what you eat and if you are getting enough foods that contain needed vitamins and nutrients. Part of a good diet includes plenty of protein- and nutrient-rich foods.

It's not always easy to eat when suffering fatigue and loss of appetite. Absorption can be compromised when the ability or desire to prepare and eat food is reduced by fatigue, pain or depression. This can then play a negative role in getting the proper balance of needed vitamins.

Solutions

If you have a poor energy level, some solutions are: eat small frequent meals; keep easy-to-prepare or ready-made foods available; prepare and freeze extra foods when energy levels are higher; keep a chair in the kitchen and sit down while preparing meals; increase activity and exercise when possible*. If your appetite is poor: eat nutrient-dense foods and avoid high-fat "nutrient-empty" foods, avoid lying down flat after eating; drink liquids after meals not during.

Many of us know about the B.R.A.T. diet to combat diarrhea; eat soluble fibers like bananas, white rice, apple sauce and toast (B.R.A.T.) and avoid insoluble fibers like corn, nuts, raw fruits and veggies with skins on. Following these tips may help you overcome problems of fatigue that would interfere with your new diet plan.

The bottom-line is that anemia may be caused by numerous factors, most of which are out of our control. Proper nutrition and vitamin supplementation of B-12 and folic acid are within our control. It's nice to have the power to aid our own quest for good health. Talk to your doctors, seek out a registered dietitian familiar with HIV/AIDS and learn all you can on your own. Be your own #1 advocate for good health. You can make a difference. Below are a few sources for more information on Anemia, Fatigue and the role of good Nutrition.

*Me, I broke a sweat today filling up the birdfeeders in the backyard but man, go for it!

also, ps from me: In my case, as may be in yours, I take whopping doses of iron supplements for my anemia which (let's just be honest here, we're friends, right) have the ability to lock you up tighter than Fort Knox. So, your body will love you so much if you find a nice cereal as I did called Kellogg's All-Bran Complete and munch it as a snack. It's good -- no, really. And Fiber One bars. Yum. Oh, and something tells me you can throw a lucky oatmeal cookie in there, too, too. Ya know, ya gotta have a quality cookie, dude! Just leave out the walnuts.

Researching which if any foods can help build or even keep transfused platelets healthy,

2007-01-09T15:38:00.000-08:00

I have run into some of the most heated arguments over that topic. Many people claim nothing helps build platelets in your body. Today, I had to pack in two transfusions at clinic. This is the first batch I've had since last Friday's release from the hospital, walking out like a sloshing teacup full to the rim. My body is both new and sick and the same time, and my "Princess and the Pea" sensitivities I already had before diagnosis are only heightened these days. Good to Know: Odds are, if you are on steroids, they make you crazy. So cry if you have to, but don't be hard on yourself. They will pass. And, you need the steroids so you won't get serum sickness. Get your moon face and know the drugs are working for you. Take them, but remember calm -- it's the steroids talking, not you.

I look at this as a positive thing though. Maybe I can help you with my experience. Heart attack or acid reflux? It's good to know the difference when you are panicky. Odds are, you are just having a mild reaction. Your body will tell you what you need to know. Calm down and breathe. Always breathe smoothly, it will help.

The first batch of platelets was skunky, and I only got a boost from 17k to 29k. It didn't feel good going in. It congested me and went to my throat. Good to Know: Relax, and Don't Panic. The nurse cleared my PICC line with saline, and the tight throat went away Plus, it cleared my sinuses. Weird, but I'll take it. Saline is a good thing, just get them to slow-push it if you are the slightest bit concerned. I need to research this saline solution bit. The second batch boosted me up to 79k. Thank you, God, and thank whomever donated those platelets, batches one and two. Blood donors are absolutely unsung heroes.

Healthy platelets produced in a normal body run from about 200-400k and last about 7-10 days before the body processes them away, filtered through the spleen mainly. I asked the nurse draining in the last bits of bag two, "What can I do, what can I eat, can I do anything, to hold onto these platelets?" A nurse looked me down flatly, saying if she knew the answer to that, she wouldn't have been at work that day giving me two bags of transfused platelets.

However, she did mention something curious, saying she heard that walnuts may help in lowering your platelet count. She had a patient experience a low platelet count after chomping on a bag of Christmas walnuts. I'll research that, too.

Boy the things I have read on message boards so far...I witnessed a heated thread argument on a discussion board where the claims of one user, who said eating strawberry PopTarts boosted her platelet production, set off a firey thread that ended in damn near a custard pie war. As entertaining as it was, it did make me stop and think about nutrition as usual. Does sugar affect platelet counts? What foods help build platelet counts. Today, I did find some helpful information to post, finally!

Lifted without permission from Baby Corner by Anne Sommer, LM, but I bet she wouldn't mind. Enjoy!

Platelets are an important part of the blood clotting mechanism that will come into play following your delivery, when the placenta separates from the uterus and the maternal blood must clot. A low platelet count can usually be remedied by doubling the customary dosage of folic acid, from 400 mcg to 800.

Folic acid can be obtained from a variety of foods such as green leafy vegetables. Some foods with the highest sources (greater than 75 mcg per serving) are: orange juice, asparagas, beans, lentils, spinach and nutritional yeast. Good sources of folic acid are avocados, corn, cabbage, lettuce, liver, peanuts, peas, sesame seeds and tomato juice.

Anne Sommers, LM

More info on folic acid and folate from patient.co.uk:

Folic acid is a vitamin and is needed to make new cells in the body, including red blood cells. The body does not store very much folic acid. You need a regular fresh supply to keep healthy. Many foods contain folic acid including vegetables such as spinach, sprouts, broccoli, green beans, and potatoes. Kidney and liver are also rich in folic acid.

A normal balanced diet contains enough folic acid. However, a lack of folic acid will cause anaemia, and sometimes other symptoms.